Networking Events and the Art of Small Talk

Fill the Page

Like writing and many other skills, small talk can be learned.  I’m learning! If you are still learning, you might be like me.  It’s not your favorite thing. It may make you uncomfortable. It may even physically wear you out!  I promise you, it does get easier the more you get in there and practice.

I mentioned writing in comparison because it too was a struggle for me when I first started.  When I wrote papers in high school and college, I did everything to expand my word count to fill the page, including writing larger when we were still turning in handwritten papers! My writing was succinct to the point of being stilted. I wrote as if I’d been asked binary, close-ended questions that warranted no further explanation. With practice though, I allowed myself to open up and share some of my insights. By doing that, I started to HAVE more insights, which is a beautiful thing.  I used to think I wasn’t creative, but now I understand creativity manifests in different ways. For me, creativity is pondering complex problems and generating possible (sometimes impossible) solutions. Small talk is like writing. I’m figuring out how to effortlessly fill the page.

It’s Just a Story

I attended an executive meeting of about 300 people this week.  It was a well planned event with multiple networking opportunities. Unfortunately, I feel I didn’t take full advantage of them.  Why? At the time, I continued to tell myself the story that it’s just not my thing. Hanging out with people, especially those I hardly know isn’t fun for me. In fact, its actually hard work! But here’s the thing: it is until it isn’t.

It’s Just Practice

Some people are made for this stuff! They are innate social creatures and large gatherings are their jam. And then there’s me and maybe you and maybe a whole lot of other people that it just isn’t easy for. The only real difference is we need to practice a skill they are naturally good at. That’s it. It’s just practice.

And oh boy, doesn’t that just apply to so many things in life?! There’s very little that can’t be learned.  I hope understanding that excites you. It opened up my world when I finally started believing it.  “Feel the Fear, and Do It Anyway”.  Change is where we make progress. So I challenge you to lean in when you find yourself telling the story that it’s just not my thing.  Are you sure? How do you know unless you get in there and practice?

Small talk is a true art. As such, it’s a practice that you can get better at.  Like my journey as a writer, we can also become experts in small talk.

6 Ways to Level Up Your Small Talk Game

1. The old standbys still work great: talk and ask about the weather, where you’re from, where you work, how long, any kids, pets, current events (be wary of contentious topics like politics for obvious reasons).
2. Smile and be approachable. If your goal is to connect with people, you won’t lure them in if you look like you just ate a worm!
3. In conversation, make eye contact, use non verbal cues appropriately, like head nods and smiles, to let them know you’re engaged.
4. Always end a response with a question. Want to avoid uncomfortable silence? Keep the ball in play by using follow up questions. An easy one is to reflect the question you just answered back to them. Relevant opinion questions are great too like “what’s been the highlight of the program for you so far?”
5. Do homework. If you know who you are likely to meet, learn a bit about them and use that to prepare what you’d like to say and key questions you’d like to ask.
6. Have personal stories at the ready. Small talk engagements are a first step in building relationships. Letting people get to know the real you is part of that.

My final point is to relax and remember, everyone puts their pants on the same as you. What is one area you excel at today? Something you’re really good at, could do with your eyes closed, and explain it with ease to anyone listening? Compare your confidence levels between now and when you first started. There’s a big difference, right? You did that and you can do this too.

Call to Action

My call to action to you is this:

• Get in there and practice.  Find those opportunities to practice small talk.
• Make a list of all the things you’ve avoided trying and the story you told to avoid it.
• Tell yourself a new story. Feel the fear and do it anyway!

What did you think of the list? Do you have more to add? Please leave a comment so we can all take advantage as we master the art of small talk.